---
title: Grade 5 Extended Constructed Response Score Point 4 - Elephants Passage
description: Grade 5 Extended Constructed Response Score Point 4 - Elephants Passage
---

[Toolbox ](https://blog.empoweringwriters.com/toolbox)

# [Grade 5 Extended Constructed Response Score Point 4 - Elephants Passage](https://blog.empoweringwriters.com/toolbox/grade-5-extended-constructed-response-score-point-4-elephants-passage)

 Written by [Empowering Writers](https://blog.empoweringwriters.com/toolbox/author/empowering-writers) | Dec 30, 2025 2:09:09 PM

Topic: Elephant’s special features for survival

Main Idea #1: trunks

Main Idea #2: protective of family

Main Idea #3: memory

 

**What Works:**

- **Powerful Vocabulary:** The use of “word referents” to refer to the elephant raises the level of this response. The author uses word referents throughout the response: gentle giant, amazing creature, mammal, friendly pachyderm, and vivacious creatures. 
- **Introduction and Conclusion Paragraphs:** The author introduces the topic and adds a topic sentence that includes the main ideas in the introduction paragraph. The conclusion reiterates the main ideas and adds a definitive word along with a general restatement of the topic, “*These vivacious creatures ****certainly ****have many features to help them survive successfully!”*

**Feedback with Prescriptive Lesson - Focus Skill**

**Transitions: **The student would benefit from lessons on developing smooth transitions between sentences versus the simple transitions, “first, next, lastly.”

- Informational Skills: Section 3 Lesson 11: Transitional Words and Phrases

**Citing Evidence:** Each piece of evidence in this response is paraphrased, however evidence can also be cited directly to improve the writing.

- Informational Skills: Section 2 Lesson 12: Giving the Author Credit

**Author’s Group Revision Model**

To teach revision, use a whole class model. Project the sample for revision and discuss the strengths and weaknesses of the piece. Choose one skill that will address the weakness and with student participation, go through the revision process. This allows students to see revision in action and provides a structure for their own revision process. Using the suggested feedback from above, here is an example of a revised version of this piece.

******What Next?**

For more information on Constructed Response, consider joining our training team for a comprehensive professional course that will outline the steps for teaching constructed response, both short and extended. [Click this link](https://empoweringwrites.wildapricot.org/Teaching-Through-Text) to register. 

[View full post](https://blog.empoweringwriters.com/toolbox/grade-5-extended-constructed-response-score-point-4-elephants-passage)

```json
{
  "@context" : "http://schema.org",
  "@type" : "BlogPosting",
  "author" : {
    "@type" : "Person",
    "name" : "Empowering Writers"
  },
  "dateModified" : "2025-12-30T14:10:26.080Z",
  "datePublished" : "2025-12-30T14:09:09Z",
  "headline" : "Grade 5 Extended Constructed Response Score Point 4 - Elephants Passage",
  "image" : {
    "@type" : "ImageObject",
    "height" : 370,
    "url" : "https://5407189.fs1.hubspotusercontent-na1.net/hubfs/5407189/teacher%202.png",
    "width" : 645
  },
  "mainEntityOfPage" : "https://blog.empoweringwriters.com/toolbox/grade-5-extended-constructed-response-score-point-4-elephants-passage",
  "publisher" : {
    "@type" : "Organization",
    "logo" : {
      "@type" : "ImageObject",
      "height" : 60.0,
      "url" : "https://f.hubspotusercontent30.net/hubfs/5407189/Empowering%20Writers%20Logo%20No%20Tagline.svg",
      "width" : 273.76425
    },
    "name" : "Toolbox"
  }
}
```