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Narrative Writing
Grade 6 Sample
Splash!
Feedback for Improvement
What worked:
- There is a sense of story with a beginning, middle and end.
- The word choice is often high level - slammed, sprinted, flopped, tranquil, glistened
- Entertaining Beginning: There was a mix of sound, action and thought - the author established the setting - the pond on a hot day
- Elaborative Detail: There was plenty of elaborative detail - in the second paragraph, the author describes the setting - “Soon grey clouds filled the sky. Boom crash bang roared the thunder. I felt cool drops of water. We stared at the bubbles then a fish flopped into the air.”
- Extended Ending: The author used a mix of memory, hope and thought.
Can you summarize this story?
This is a story about ______________.
The problem/adventure was _____________.
The problem was solved/adventure concluded when ___________.
Feedback with Prescriptive Lesson:
CHOOSE a Focus Skill:
Genre and Author’s Purpose: This story was difficult to summarize. It moved from a beautiful day at the pond to a thunderstorm with no transition. What is this story about? What is the main event? Create a pre-writing plan that effectively summarizes the story so it flows naturally from beginning, to middle and end.
- Section 1 Lesson 1: Introducing Graphic Organizers with Summarizing Framework
- Section 1 Lesson 9: Annotating Narrative Stories - build foundation for story writing
- Section 1 Lesson 11: Analyzing Assignments for Givens and Variables - creating pre-writing plans
Suspense: There was some evidence of suspense in the word “Suddenly,” however, it would improve the writing to add a magic of three as the thunderstorm rolled in.
- Section 4 Lesson 3: Red Flag Words and Phrases
- Section 4 Lesson 4: The Magic of Three
Main Event: What appears to be the main event is mostly description with some very general action. What was the main event of the story? Once that is established then add a balanced mix of action, description, thoughts/feelings, dialogue, and sound.
- Section 5 Lesson 1: Comparing Summaries
- Section 5 Lesson 2: Main Event
This student will benefit from participating in modeled lessons to develop the middle of the story- both suspense and main event.